Building Self Esteem – Two

YOUR TRUE WORTH
I was not raised by parents with high self-esteem. My parents didn’t know much about self-worth and so therefore, couldn’t teach me. They had residual self-doubt that lingered from their own childhood.

Even though most parents love their children and try to encourage their self-esteem, much of our assessment of our own value comes from the culture we live in, or from the opinions of people around us. And our acceptance of that input is mostly unconscious. Few people have consciously constructed their self-picture through careful study and investigation. Most have assigned their worth based on unconsciously accepted ideas from the past.

I remember my 7th grade gym teacher, Mr. Nichols making a derogatory comment about my body that affected my self-image for decades. It took me years to realize that he was just regurgitating his own insecurities and poor body image. It’s just these kind of unconsciously accepted lies that destroy our self-image and sabotage our self-worth.

To some degree, we are all victims of victims. Because we come from generations of people who struggled to understand their value, we have inherited their confusion. Because we grow up in a world full of people unaware of their true value, it is easy to be infected with their disease. And it is just this background that lands many people on a teeter-totter of self-acceptance and self-denial; one that lifts way up in the air when things are going well, but then lands with a hard thump on the ground when conditions change. They think well of themselves when their bank balance is high and things are going good at work and home. They believe they have more value if they drive an expensive car or live in a distinguished neighborhood. They are proud to have earned a degree or promotion at work. But when conditions shift to the negative such as a job layoff or divorce, their self-worth abruptly sinks to the bottom and the ride on the teeter-totter suddenly isn’t fun anymore. Unfortunately many people spend their entire lives this way with their self-esteem bouncing up and down.

For most of us, self-acceptance is conditional. We find ourselves acceptable when we can lose weight, or finally find a decent relationship. Then and only then, will be alright. And until that day comes, we withhold our love and acceptance. There are dozens of conditions that must be met before we find ourselves worthy. Of course, this kind of conditional love keeps our self-esteem from ever rising. It’s like running a race with a finish line that keeps moving ahead. You can never make it to the end. You’re never going to be good enough!

The only way off of the teeter-totter of bouncing self-value is to gain a true perspective on who you are; one not based on other people’s opinions or the world’s infections. You have to begin to see yourself as a spiritual being, not just a human body with a history of experiences. Your self-worth must be anchored in something more solid than the shifting sands of daily human life or past achievements or failures. Your value must be grounded in something permanent and lasting, so you will be able to weather the storms of every-day life. This brings to mind the questions that must be answered so you can determine your true worth:

• Am I valuable because I have a job or make a living?
• Does my worth depend on body type or size?
• Am I worth more when I am in a relationship than when I am not?
• Is my value based on income, assets or position?
• When other people like me and approve of my choices, does that make me worth more?
• Is my self-esteem higher when I am feeling happy, and lower when I am not?
• Do other people’s opinions determine my worth?
• Does my own opinion determine my value?

When you can answer no to all of these questions, you have come to the end of the teeter-totter ride. Never again will your self-esteem spike and fall. Never again will it be based on outer conditions. You will have found the truth that all confident people stand on, the truth that will forever set you free of self-doubt and the mindless negative chatter that so many people endure each day.

You are valuable to life because of who you are, not what you have done. Your true worth has nothing to do with personal success or failure. It is not a variable that shifts with conditions. It is a permanently established truth that remains constant no matter what happens to you. It is not determined by other people’s opinions or what conditions are current in your life. Even your own opinion of your worth isn’t valid. Your value was determined by the Creator on the day you came to life.

Your true worth is as much a part of you as your dna. It is deeply rooted in the essence of your being. It’s as unique as your fingerprint and eternal as your spirit. Your value comes from the Presence of God that lives in, as and through you, in the once-in-a-lifetime pattern it has created as an outlet for its own expression.

You are much more than the body you occupy or the conditions you survive. You are the life of God making an entrance into the world as an individual spirit. When you identify yourself with that truth, your self-esteem will never again be questioned. The struggle to accept yourself as you are will be over and a personal freedom will enter your mind in a way you have never known before.

Stop determining your worth by the reflection in the mirror. Give up your own judgments and negative opinions about choices you should have made, but didn’t. Let go of the guilt and shame that others tried to impose upon you. Release the programming that has you beating yourself up everyday with negative self-talk. Stop it!

FIND SOMETHING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
For many the journey to self-love seems like too far a path to travel. And if this is true for you, here’s a recommendation. If you can’t find something to love about yourself, at least find something you like. And then give all of your attention to it. By focusing on what you like about yourself, you begin to build self-esteem. You shift the focus of your attention (and your creative power) away from the negative on to the positive. This shift at first may seem very manual and forced. Like anything new you try (like learning to ride a bicycle) at first it will feel awkward. One day it will seem more natural to think well of yourself. Until then it may seem uncomfortable. That’s okay. Stick with it and it will become automatic.

Underneath the scrap-heap of judgment, opinions and unforgiving thoughts is where you will find your true self. Deep inside is the purity and innocence that you came into life with. There was a day when you had no negative self-opinion or body issues to resolve. No baby is lying in the cradle thinking, “Oh, if I could just get rid of these rolls of fat, then I would be worth something.” There was a time in your life when you knew your value and never questioned it. Now it’s time to get back to that knowing so you can remember who you are.

My dog, Jack knows who he is. He has a strong sense of self-worth. He’s not trying to be something else. He doesn’t wake up in the morning practicing meows. He doesn’t try to act like a cat or practice walking more gracefully, like his feline friends. He’s too busy being himself to wonder what anyone else thinks of him. And, he acts like he doesn’t care anyway! Jack has no self-esteem issues. And that’s because, like all animals, he operates from instinct alone. His mind is not conscious of choice, so he has to be exactly what God created him to be. You, on the other hand are different. Because your Creator designed you for its fullest expression, it has given you a conscious mind, aware of choice. You can choose to be what God has created and know your worth, or you can choose to deny it. You have to make this choice every day. Here are a couple of things to consider as you do:

1. Your mind is your greatest asset and how you use it determines the quality of your life.

You are valuable because you have imagination; the ability to envision life differently than you are living it. Never underestimate the power of this capability. The power of vision is what allowed us to build space ships that travel to distant planets. It is the source of dreams and dreams fulfilled. Every great invention or piece of art comes from this innate power.

Because we are the only species on the planet that possesses this grand power of imagination, we have dominion over the rest and a pre-ordained right to choose our own path in life. This power resides within everyone. No matter who you are, or what you have been through, you can still dream. You can still imagine life better. And that is the first step toward making it better.

2. You are a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for God to be the unique person it has created you to be.

There’s never going to be another you, ever! God made just one. Nobody talks like you. Nobody thinks as you do. No one can love the way you can love. You’re an original piece of work, created by a Master Artist. Just think about how valuable that makes you.

Hanging in the Louvre in Paris, France is the original masterpiece called the Mona Lisa, painted by Leonardo da Vinci. His genius makes its way onto the canvas in a style and manner that has been evaluated and analyzed by art historians and critics for centuries. But still the question remains: What is it worth? What value does the painting hold? Since there will never be another one, what is the Mona Lisa worth—-$1 million, $10 million, $100 million? Obviously, the painting is priceless.

Now the question that remains is: How much are you worth? There’s never going to be another one of you. If the Mona Lisa is priceless, so are you. After all, you were created and designed by the Genius that inspired Leonardo da Vinci to paint.

Start to anchor your value in who you are, by what uniqueness God has placed inside of you. Remember: There’s never going to be another chance to be all that you are. This is your opportunity to stand tall, be proud, speak your mind and give your love to the world. It’s time to stop questioning your worth and accept the truth that you are priceless.